


Not Good Enough

by extrastellar



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Communication Failure, Drinking to Cope, Heartbreak, Hurt, Jealousy, M/M, not a good coping mechanism but look at the pairing so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-18 16:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13104492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extrastellar/pseuds/extrastellar
Summary: Joffrey didn't plan to fall in love with Viserys, but he was okay with it. He was not okay with the heartbreak it brought him, though.





	Not Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【Translation/授权翻译】你配不上他](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15283809) by [Carmen_Shing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carmen_Shing/pseuds/Carmen_Shing)



> Why is it that I keep writing for them. Well, guess it can't be helped :D

"Up for some _Dance of Dragons_ tonight?", Joffrey asked through Professor Pycelle droning on about the Strangler's utilisation in the middle ages. "I'll kick your ass."

"Yeah, no", Viserys muttered and pushed his glasses back up his nose before actually taking notes, the diligent asshole. "Also, I'm not free tonight."

Joffrey lifted his head from where he had it propped up on his hand and and glanced at the bottom right corner of his laptop screen for confirmation. "What? It's Tuesday. You never have plans Tuesday night."

On Mondays they both had class until 8pm. On Wednesdays Viserys had fencing class. On Thursdays Viserys had his weekly dinner with Daenerys and Rhaegar. On Fridays they went clubbing. Saturday night was gym time. And on Sundays they actually got some work done for uni. That was that. Tuesdays were free. Always.

"Well, today I do", Viserys said with a shrug and moved his hand to unlock his phone. He actually smiled at the message on the screen. Joffrey tried to arch his neck to see what content had his friend smiling like that, but Viserys locked it again and put it down. "Ask Ramsay. Or Lyn."

"Lyn's back at the Eyrie cause his dad died or something and Ramsay is busy fucking Beric Dondarrion", Joffrey said and his stomach twisted slightly. "You're not going out with that bitch Arianne again, are you?"

"Hell no", Viserys huffed. "I'm over her. Nah, I'm staying at Xaro's tonight."

The blond man frowned. "Xaro?"

"Yup", Viserys said, putting emphasis on the 'p'. "Xaro Xhoan Daxos. You know him, he's in your politics class."

"Right..." He could remember the weird ginger dude with all the piercings on his nose and ears. "You're ditching game night with me for that guy?!"

Viserys rolled his eyes. "I'm ditching game night with you for my boyfriend, you bastard."

Joffrey's elbow almost slipped off the table and he just barely held back a choked off croak. He hadn't heard that right. He hadn't heard that right. There was no way. No way. He must have heard it wrong. He must have.

"Don't stare at me like that!", Viserys snarled and glared at him. "You got something against me dating a dude, huh, bastard?"

Joffrey's heart plummeted. He had heard it right. Dating. Viserys was dating Xaro. Viserys had a _boyfriend._ "U-uh, no?! Did you forget that my uncle is gay?!"

"No, and neither did I forget that you hate him!"

"That's because he's an asshole!" Joffrey knew he was getting hysterical. He saw how the first people in the auditorium turned their heads to see what they were arguing about. "It's not- fuck. See you tonight- tomorrow. Then. Bye."

He slammed his laptop shut, forced it into his bag alongside his papers, hopelessly crumbling them, and stood up abruptly. Everyone turned around and frowned at him.

Joffrey was nauseous. His stomach felt like a big, twisting knot and his blood was rushing in his ears so loudly he couldn't hear what Viserys was saying with a strangely concerned look on his face.

'He's dating Xaro. He has a boyfriend. He has a _boyfriend._ He has a boyfriend that's not- not me.'

His legs were moving before he told them to, carried him out of the auditorium on their own, out of the building, over the campus plaza, to the carpark, into his car. 

Joffrey put down his bag, shaking like a leaf. His trembling fingers tried to shove the key into the ignition, but he couldn't get it in.

Viserys had a boyfriend. 

It hurt more than he had expected. 

Joffrey dropped his keys and pressed the heels of his hands to his burning eyes. Was he crying? No. No, there was no way he would be crying over a stupid little crush on his friend, his _best_ friend at that. 

His chest ached and when he opened his mouth to suck in a much needed breath, a small sob escaped. Joffrey's shoulders started shaking and he felt wetness on his hands, on his cheeks. 

"Shit", he whispered hoarsely and dropped his forehead to the steering wheel. When Myrcella had been crying over heartbreak as a teenager, Joffrey had waved it off as his sister being overdramatic. There was no way being rejected by a crush could hurt so bad.

That was what he had thought and gods, he had been naïve. He had been so, so naïve. 

It hurt like hell. Not in the way a wound would, but a sharp, stinging ache deep inside his chest, pressing his lungs together and making it hard to breathe. 

Viserys saw him as a friend. More than Joffrey could have hoped for, really, being the assholes they both were, but a tiny part of him, an irrational, stupid part, had silently hoped for the possibility of Viserys feeling something more than friendship for him.

But obviously, this feeling wasn't reserved for him, but for a Qartheen junior politician with too pale skin and too many piercings who could cry on will and waxed poetry when he spoke normally.

Joffrey curled up on his seat and ran a hand trough his blond hair, upper body shaking violently with sobs. "Damn it all..."

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Once. Twice. Joffrey fumbled to pull it out of his pocket and when he did, it started buzzing again with an incoming call. A rather unattractive snapshot of Viserys right before sneezing lit up the screen and the caller ID read 'lousy lizard'. Joffrey hiccupped and let his phone ring until the voice mail took over. 

Xaro Xhoan Daxos. Joffrey didn't know much about him except that he was from Qarth, his father had been a member of the government and he was striving to become one too. He also knew that Daxos was pretty hella gay and had an unhealthy obsession with piercings.

What could Joffrey possibly see in this guy?! 

So Daxos' father was in the Qartheen government. So?! Joffrey's dad was the head of Baratheon Inc.! He was as good as, no, he was better than Daxos. He knew Viserys as well as Daenerys, probably even better. He knew how Viserys took his coffee (black, no sugar, with lemon, which was pretty gross), that Viserys could only use a super expensive shampoo from the Oldtown Pharmacies, because anything else got him dandruff, that Viserys showered too hotly so that he always looked like a lobster when he came out and had to apply aloe vera to his skin. He knew that Viserys tied his dress shoes so tight that he regularly ripped the laces and that he owned only red and black socks. He had one white pair with little fire-breathing dragons on it, a crack gift from his nephew Aegon, and Joffrey knew that Viserys treasured them even if he'd never admit it. He knew that Viserys put milk into his bowl before the cereal and slept in actual pyjamas, not sweats and an old T-shirt like most people. He knew that Viserys had three different alarms set every morning and slept through them all. He knew that Viserys hated apples and loved bananas. He knew that Viserys was a god in the kitchen, something he had learned when his father had gone mad and his brother left them and he had been left to care for little Dany at an age of mere five years. He knew that Viserys rarely got sick, but when he did, he was bedridden for about a week or more. He knew that Viserys read the 'Eragon' books nine times, five times in the Common Tongue, four times in High Valyrian, and actually liked the movies.

He knew things about him that he was certain Xaro Xhoan Daxos didn't. Daxos didn't deserve to be Viserys' boyfriend. He couldn't be Viserys' boyfriend. Joffrey could. Nobody else but Joffrey.  
Joffrey reached down to pick up his keys and finally managed to start the engine. There was no way he'd be able to concentrate in any more classes today so he might as well go home and feel miserable. 

\--

He couldn't go home. Viserys practically _lived_ in his apartment, they might as well be roommates. 

The moment Joffrey unlocked the door, he was hit by the faint scent of Viserys' cologne and the sight of his spare glasses and his ugly ass dragon plushie slippers. 

He pulled the door shut again, locked it and turned around. His legs carried him upstairs, two storeys up and he rang the doorbell next to the wooden door with the name "Baratheon & Storm" on it.

"Coming", a tired voice called from inside and the door was opened to reveal Edric, Joffrey's legal half-brother. Robert Baratheon's son was wearing boxers and a baggy white T-shirt and his black hair was ruffled in a way that told Joffrey it was sex hair, not bed hair. "What the fuck. Joffrey."

Joffrey grimaced. Great. He had hoped Tommen would open the door, but no, of course Edric would. "Is Tommen up?"

Edric shrugged. "Dunno. He's out."

Joffrey checked his watch. "At 9am?"

"Staying the night at Margaery's. Egg and I sexiled him", Edric said dryly and Joffrey almost choked when Aegon, Viserys' blue-haired nephew, came up behind Edric in only an oversized shirt. Was he nowhere safe from these bloody Targaryens?

Joffrey sneered at his half-brother and turned on his heel, dashing down the stairs, out of the building and across the street where Myrcella and Trystane shared an apartment.

He wouldn't turn up like this, puffy cheeks, red eyes, at Margaery Tyrell's doorstep just to see his little brother. Hell no.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!", Myrcella shrieked from inside when he pushed his finger onto the doorbell again and again. She yanked open the door, wearing a pastel yellow dress and her hair still up in a towel turban. "Joff?! What are you- wait, are you alright?"

"Do I look alright?", Joffrey snapped and shit, he felt like crying again. 

"Well, no", Myrcella said quietly and and stepped aside to let her brother in and shut the door behind him. "What happened?"

Joffrey hated crying. He really did and he had shed more than enough tears today. Enough for year. And still, he felt his eyes burning again. 

"Oh gods, Joff..."

"I don't want- your pity!", Joffrey snapped, but it came out weak and pitiful, his voice shaking pathetically. "I- Viserys has a boyfriend."

And voicing it out loud set off the waterworks again and Joffrey couldn't even help it. He was standing in his sister's hallway, looking downright miserable and cried his eyes out over his best friend dating another dude. It was pathetic and lame, but Joffrey couldn't do anything to stop it.

Myrcella sighed deeply and stepped closer. "Oh Joff..."

"Stop it!", Joffrey wrenched out between sobs and flinched back when Myrcella tried to touch him. "I don't- stop pitying me!"

His sister stepped back, hurt evident in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel pitied. Joff, I didn't even know you liked Viserys. I didn't even know you liked guys as well."

Joffrey shuddered. He had kept it a secret, and very well at that. He didn't know until his last year of high school, really, when he had that terrible, undeniable crush on Harry Hardyng. But Renly was the gay one in the family, not him, so he kept his mouth shut. And after Harry, there had only been that one-time-thing with Rakharo, one of Daenerys' self-proclaimed bodyguards, a friend of her boyfriend Drogo. Joffrey had been limping for days, but it had been worth it. Eastern barbarians the Dothraki might be, but Rakharo knew how to fuck. 

But Viserys - Viserys was _different._ Viserys was Joffrey's best friend. He didn't have a stupid teen's crush on him like with Harry nor did he just lust after him like with Rakharo. He fell in love with all the little things about Viserys, and he fell hard. He wanted to do it right and he wasn't even given a chance because Viserys obviously wasn't interested. 

And it fucking hurt.

"Joff", Myrcella said and hesitantly held out a hand. "Gods, if there's anything I can do..."

Joffrey hiccupped and wiped his cheeks. "You got booze?"

His sister's forehead wrinkled. "No. Alcohol doesn't fit my lifestyle."

Joffrey snorted. "Right, with all the yoga and the organic, vegan food. Don't try to tell me Trystane stopped drinking his precious Dornish wine."

Myrcella grimaced. "I won't let you self-destruct."

"Too bad I haven't asked for permission then, right?", Joffrey snarled and stomped into the small kitchen. "Where does he keep it, huh? Do you have a wine shelf?"

"Joffrey, I swear to the Seven above, if you touch even a drop of alcohol here simply because you're lovesick, I will kick you out", Myrcella said firmly and crossed her arms. "Drinking is not solving your-"

"Quit your blabbering", Joffrey cut her off and yanked open the cupboards. "Who are you, Mother? I'm an adult, I don't take orders from _you."_

His phone started buzzing again. He cursed and took it out, throat going tight when he saw the caller ID. Joffrey let it ring out and opened the message notifying him of two new voice mails.

_"Joffrey, hey! The fuck is wrong with you?! Get back! You still have the keys to the apartment! I can't go to Xaro's without changing! Shit, all my good clothes are at your place! Call me back, asshole."_

_"Look, I don't know what I've done wrong, but you're being an asswipe. I'm actually worried. Call me, kay?! Shit."_

Joffrey turned off his phone and threw a poisonous look at his sister. "Don't. You. Dare."

"Maybe you should call him back, Joff", Myrcella said carefully. "He seemed very worried."

"Yeah, cause now he can't get into the flat and change for his sweet Xaro", Joffrey snapped and shoved his phone back into his pocket. "I'll leave. Here's no booze and you don't do anything but pity me. It's disgusting."

Myrcella flinched and pressed her lips together in a firm line. "Of all the horrible things you've said today, this is the worst. I'm your sister, I want to help you!"

"I didn't ask for it!!"

"Yes, you did!", Myrcella snapped and Joffrey jerked at her raised voice. "You came here when you were at your worst! You came here crying, heartbroken and desperate for some attention and affection, _no,_ don't deny it. But in the end, you're just a weak, unlikeable, vile, mean man without a single nice character streak! And you're wondering why Viserys prefers Xaro Xhoan Daxos over you?!"

Joffrey winced and Myrcella clamped a hand over her mouth, eyes going wide with regret. "Joff- oh gods, I didn't-"

"Save your breath", Joffrey said darkly and turned on his heel to leave. "Guess you're right after all, huh?"

Myrcella shook her head. "No, I didn't mean it, I swear."

"I thought I told you I don't want your pity?!", he spat and gods, he felt like throwing up. "Shit. Thanks for your honesty. I guess."

He yanked the door open and fled, ignoring Myrcella's calls to stay.

\--

Joffrey was drunk. He could barely stand upright and he was slurring, but he still couldn't forget about the dull ache in his chest reminding him of not being good enough for his best friend.

He slammed his shot glass down and coughed when the tequila burned his way down his throat. It was dark outside already and the bartender, who had been serving him since the bar opened at six in the evening, gave him a worried look.

"Pal, you should tone it down a bit."

"Fuck, no", Joffrey snarled and wiped his mouth. "Don't tell me what to do!"

The bartender rolled his eyes. "Gee, suit yourself, Your Majesty."

Joffrey ran his hands through his already messy hair and fought down a sob threatening to spill. No, he wouldn't cry. Not again. Not here, under that bartender's pissy, judgemental look.

He fished a thirty stag note out of his pocket, slammed it onto the counter and staggered out of the bar.

It was raining, hard, and he was shivering within minutes, but he felt numb.

The next club was nearby and Joffrey somehow managed to get past the bouncers despite his intoxicated state. His head was pounding in time with the beat and the faces of the dancing crowds blurred to anonymousness in the flickering, colourful neon spotlights.

Within minutes, he felt a pair of hands coming to rest on his hips from behind him, too large for a woman's.

Joffrey whirled around and almost fell over. "What do you think you're doing, huh?!"

The man smirked. Joffrey knew him from somewhere, but he couldn't pinpoint it. "Feeling you up."

He swore. "Asshole."

The guy's smirk grew. "No spoilers."

Joffrey glared at him. They were about the same height, the other guy smelled like booze and bore a creepy resemblance to Theon Greyjoy if he thought about it.

He didn't want to think about it and yanked the guy's head down to smash their lips together in a bruising kiss.

\--

Joffrey hung over the toilet bowl at home and emptied the contents of his stomach.

His hips hurt, his ass was sore, his neck was aching with all the bruises sucked into it and his head was pounding thanks to a massive hangover. 

Not to mention the nausea that had overcome him once he had been home.

Joffrey felt, for the first time ever, truly disgusted with himself. 

He had lost control, given himself to some Iron Islander, all because he wanted to forget and it didn't even work.

He gagged a last time and shakily reached up to flush the toilet. 

It wasn't like he didn't do casual sex. He just didn't do it with guys, except for Rakharo two years ago. And most certainly, he didn't do it drunk off his ass and out of fucking heartbreak. What the hell.

Joffrey slowly rose to his feet and rinsed his mouth at the sink to get rid of the foul taste of puke. He grabbed his phone and unlocked it, ignoring the warning of low battery.

Three missed calls and eleven texts from Myrcella apologising over and over again. Five more missed calls from Viserys and three new voice mails.

Joffrey ignored Myrcella's texts and tapped the sign for his voice mail.

_"Where are you?! I got the spare key from the landlord, but you're out?! Call me! Seven hells, at least text me!"_

_"So it's now 7pm and you're still not home. I cancelled plans with Xaro. Tommen doesn't know where you are and Myrcella was close to tears when I asked. What the fuck are you doing?! Call me already!!"_

_"Fuck. Joff, come on. You're a bastard, but you're my best friend. Shit. Come on, I've been skimming King's Landing for hours for you. If you don't call me back, I'll drive to Lannisport to search for you there. Come on, you petty lion cub. Call me."_

Joffrey scoffed and tried to ignore the flicker of hope blossoming in his chest at the worry in Viserys' voice. He had cancelled plans with Daxos out of worry for him - wow. Joffrey couldn't quite believe it. Viserys was a selfish bastard, same as he himself, but he had still put off his own plans out of concern for Joffrey.

He actually smiled faintly and froze when he heard the front door click open.

"I've searched everywhere, Dany. I'll go off to Lannisp- hold on. The door wasn't locked."

The door slammed shut and Joffrey heard frantic steps.

"Joffrey?! Hey! Are you here?!"

Doors opening and closing. More frantic steps.

"Joffrey! Come on, lion cub!"

Joffrey could slip out through the bathroom window, but Viserys was faster than him, a much faster runner. And he'd make a lot of noise climbing out. So instead he stood frozen in front of the sink and carefully tried to school his features into a bored, disinterested look.

The door to the bathroom slammed open and Joffrey could see Viserys in the mirror. His best friend's hair was tied up in a messy ponytail, his eyes were wild and he was panting, cheeks flushed. He was still wearing his black jeans and black dress shirt with his dark red Doc Martens from the day before, his glasses slightly knocked askew.

"Oh thank fuck", Viserys breathed and dashed forward, grabbing Joffrey by the shoulders and whirled him around. "Where have you been, bastard?! Huh?!"

"Well, not here, obviously", Joffrey spat and tried to pry his hands off. "Let me go, damn lizard. Won't your precious boyfriend get jealous if you feel me up?"

It came out more bitter than expected.

Viserys dropped his hands and his lilac eyes lit up with realisation. "No way. Are you actually jealous? Of Xaro?"

Joffrey sneered at the name. "Jealous?! Me?! Hah, you wish!"

"So what if I do?", Viserys shot back and Joffrey's mouth fell open.

"...what?"

Viserys sighed and stepped back. "I wanted to make you jealous."

Joffrey felt like someone had pulled the floor from under him.

"Because you're just too dumb to get any of my advances", Viserys continued and his face twisted in frustration. "So I had to check if I didn't misread your signs."

Joffrey honest to the Seven wanted to punch him. "And you thought _that_ would be the best way?! You fucking asshole."

Viserys glared at him. "Any better ideas?!"

"How about _asking_ me, damn reptile?!", Joffrey shouted and grabbed Viserys' by the collar. "Instead of making me fucking miserable by pretending to date that Qartheen weirdo!!"

"Don't make it sound so easy!", the silver-haired man snapped and made a grab for Joffrey's collar. "Fake-dating a dude like him wasn't the most comfortable thing, you know?! Especially when Daxos actually had a crush on me, for fuck's sake!!"

"Fuck you", Joffrey snarled and smashed their mouths together. Viserys responded immediately, pulling on his blond hair and biting his lip. Joffrey was still angry, angry at his friend's sheer stupidity and obliviousness, angry at himself for derailing like this, but that anger was slowly, steadily lulled by the realisation that Viserys reciprocated his pathetic feelings, that they kind of confessed and that they were honestly kissing at the moment.

"Did I have you crying?", Viserys asked lowly when they parted for air.

"Crying, drinking and fucking a stranger, yeah, thanks for asking, dickhead", Joffrey growled. "Did I have you calling all my friends and family members and skimming King's Landing?"

"Yeah, you did, idiot", Viserys muttered and let out a shaky breath. "Fuck. I'm glad you're safe, Joff."

Joffrey coughed and cursed his heart for beating so wildly. "Huh. Guess I'm glad you're not actually dating Xaro Xhoan Daxos."

"He's a whiny wimp. And his piercings are irritating."

"Not to forget that his nose is way too big."

"True. And-"

"Are we really gonna talk about your weird sort-of ex now?", Joffrey asked with a disapproving scowl.

Viserys shrugged and grinned maliciously. "How about we send him a photo to make the break-up official?"

"If it involves you and me naked, I'm game." Joffrey's smirk mirrored Viserys'. "Let's get going."


End file.
